Sunday, March 20, 2011

Sunday funnies: Why did the chicken cross the road? Let's ask some politicians

Why did the chicken cross the road? Here are some opinions from all sides of the U.S. political spectrum and beyond.

Sarah Palin

The chicken crossed the road because, gosh darn it, he’s a maverick!

Barack Obama

The chicken, like all hard working Americans, crossed the road because he was filled with Hope and Change for a better life and when you spread the Hope and Change around it’s good for all the chickens.

Hosni Mubarak

I tried to prevent the chicken from crossing the road but when I lost American support he did what he damned well pleased.

Joe Biden

Because we spent $11 billion building high speed rail to cross the roads.

Rod Blagojevich

I am innocent of the charges that I took $20.00 to tell that chicken to cross the road!

Nancy Pelosi

Chickens will do whatever I tell them to, that’s why.

Muammar Gaddafi

The chicken crossed the road because my generals called in air support and blew up his rebel base so he was forced to flee for his life.

Scott Walker

We took away his collective bargaining rights and so every chicken had to make the best decision for themselves and this chicken decided to cross the road.

Reverend Wright

Goddamn America for forcing good chickens to risk their lives to cross the road every day !

Vladimir Putin

That reason is classified though we do know why the chicken in America crossed the road and I can tell you this.

Paul Krugman

The stimulus worked, that’s why he crossed the road. And I have a Nobel Prize, too.

John McCain

My friends, that chicken crossed the road because he recognized the need to engage in cooperation and dialogue with all the chickens on the other side of the road.

Chris Mathews

He was trying to get away from some intolerant Republicans and form a cluckus with other chickens of similar minds.

Hillary Clinton

When I was First Lady, I personally helped that little chicken to cross the road. This experience makes me uniquely qualified to ensure right from Day One that every chicken in this country gets the chance it deserves to cross the road. But then, this really isn’t about me.

Nicolas Sarkozy

Well, obviously there were some Frenchmen on the other side of the road what other conclusion could there be?

Marion Barry

The chicken crossed the road because the hen set him up!

George W. Bush

We don’t really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road, or not. The chicken is either against us, or for us. There is no middle ground here.

Dick Cheney

Under threat from al Qaeda, the chicken had to get to his secret, undisclosed location.

Hugo Chavez

The chicken crossed the road to stomp out oppressive American capitalist imperialism!

Osama bin Laden

The chicken crossed the road because there were some Infidels across the street and praise be to him who tries to stab them in their hearts.

Ted Kennedy

The chicken crossed that road because I wasn’t driving the car.

Bill O’Reilly

Because he’s a pinhead!

Colin Powell

Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road.

Ronald Reagan

I went to Berlin and demanded that Mr. Gorbachev tear down that wall and the people did so the chicken could cross the road.

Bill Clinton

I did not cross the road with that chicken.

Al Gore

I invented the chicken.

Glenn Beck

If we look at this chart over here I’ll show you how George Soros bought all the roads in town and closed them so the only path left was the road the chicken crossed.

John Kerry

Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now against it! It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about the chicken’s intentions. I am not for it now, and will remain against it.

Al Sharpton

Why are all the chickens white? We need some black chickens.

Orthodox Rabbi

It was the Sabbath what was he going to do… drive there?

Howard Dean


Pope Benedict

The chicken was motivated to cross the road because he realized that only by doing so could he achieve Salvation.

Pat Buchanan

To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.


In my day we didn’t ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough.

Barbara Walters

Isn’t that interesting? In a few moments, we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heart warming story of how it experienced a serious case of molting, and went on to accomplish its lifelong dream of crossing the road.

George H.W. Bush

The chicken saw a thousand points of light and crossed the road.

Dan Quayle

I had not heard the chicken crossed the roade.

(Courtesy of Capitol Commentary)

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