The War On Terror Fought The Liberal Way: Interrogation Techniques
The Prisoners Cell Should Always Be Right Next To The Interrogation Room ( this will keep the prisoner from getting too tired which could be a violation of the Geneva Convention)
The New FBI Interrogation Manual List Of Do's And Don'ts
When we have captured high value terrorist suspects, there are strict rules of etiquette and engagement to be followed.
Any information that cannot be obtained through these methods we will just have to do without (no matter how many lives this information might save).
1) Always say may I to the prisoner, or at the very least have a smile on your face so as not to scare them beyond a reasonable point. If the prisoner ever asks you to stop what you are doing you must always comply immediately. Remember that we must cater to the far left.
2) When in doubt about the technique you are about to use, ask yourself if the ACLU would use it, and if they would not, stop.
3) Cross check #2 by asking yourself if other, more conservative countries seriously concerned with national security would use the technique, and if they would, stop as well. ***(If there are techniques which those countries would not bother using because they are worthless at getting information, you can use those with no restrictions)
4) Always remember that the good of the one is more important than the well being of the masses.
5) Remember that an interrogator should always cover the ass of their superiors by making sure that no prisoner ever has a reason or opportunity to complain, thus avoiding the wrath of world opinion raining down onto the United States.
6) Any technique used successfully during the Bush administration, which has helped to keep the country safe since 9/11, is no longer to be used.
7) The absolute harshest technique that can be used would be the sound torture of forcing the suspect to listen to the shrill screams of Hillary Clinton, or the inane blathering of either Harry Reid or Nancy Pelosi, but not both as this would be construed as cruel and inhuman punishment. The names of various other politicians may be substituted without warning.
8) No water, nor even the word water can be used near the interrogation room. The new phrase in the event a glass of water is requested, will now be a Left Wing Cocktail.
9) At all times the first consideration will always be the prisoner, and at no times will the safety of the citizens of the United States or the world ever cross your mind.
10) Lastly, remember that this is the United States controlled by the Democrats. We will play the interrogation process to lose, but at the same time we will make sure that countries around the world like us more now than they did the last 8 years.
If All Of These Restrictions Cause Us To Fail And An Attack On Our People Takes Place, We Will Do What We Always Do And Blame It On The Failed Policies Of The Last 8 Years.
Memorize these restrictions and then eat them to insure plausible deniability.
Unfortunately, all of the national security plans of the Obama Administration are no joke. In fact quite the opposite!